Terminal

In 1987, Michael Caine followed up his Oscar winning performance in Woody Allen's "Hannah and Her Sisters" with the all-time turkey "Jaws 4: The Revenge".

Well you can relax now Michael. Someone has finally sunk lower than you (and yes, I do remember Halle Berry following "Monster's Ball" with "Catwoman").

Margot Robbie, what the hell were you thinking following up "I, Tonya" with TERMINAL?

After 15 minutes, I knew this was going to stink, but no idea how bad it would get. It became an endurance test to finish it. Being trapped on a coast-to-coast flight probably assisted me sticking with it, but WOW is this an unfocused mess.

We meet Margot Robbie as a waitress in a badly staged diner in the middle of a train terminal.

We meet Simon Pegg (completely wasted here) as a professor with a terminal disease and an annoying cough.

We meet two bumbling hitmen that are clearly a very clumsy homage to Travolta & Jackson in "Pulp Fiction" but stripped of all the humor, intelligence and wit that made Vincent & Jules characters of film legend.

By the time Mike Myers (who I genuinely like as a comedian and beg to PLEASE make another Austin Powers movie) wanders in as a dim witted janitor that seems to be an incredibly poorly written homage to Chance the Gardener in "Being There" mashed up with Rainman, I started laughing, for ALL the wrong reasons.

Myers returned to film after 7 years for THIS? What in the hell?????

The film desperately wants to look cool, but for all it's "Blade Runner"/"Sin City"/'Atomic Blonde" aspirations it looks cheap and stage bound.

Writer/Director Vaughn Stein, in what I pray to the film gods will be his last time in either of those chairs, strains so hard to write Tarantino like dialogue scenes, you can hear his pencil breaking and his veins popping.

Sadly, the long scenes of two-character dialogue are dumb, boring and overly mannered in an attempt to be cool, they sit lifeless on screen, dragging the pace down to a crawl.

The so called plot twists can be seen coming miles away unlike the trains that never seem to arrive at this station.

What the hell was Robbie thinking?

I'm a huge fan and have liked her in nearly everything she's done, but I can't imagine this script ever read like anything but the crap that it is.

When Stein runs out of things to say, he loads the film with colorful sets or costumes, or dumps another wheelbarrow full of profanity on the screen, apparently thinking that we will really think he's Tarantino if he keeps piling up f-bombs.

The last twenty minutes is completely mindless, devolving into some Eli Roth gross out torture flick to take your mind off the fact that nothing of any real consequence has happened for the previous 70 excruciating minutes.

This might be the worst movie I've seen in the past....let's see, how many years has it been since Jaws 4?

Terminal is DOA and gets an F.