The weekend after Thanksgiving finds me in the Christmas spirit and excited for any new holiday films that come my way. I was primed to enjoy RED ONE.
Sadly, Santa's bag is only half full this time out.
You can't blame a jacked & ready JK Simmons (La La Land, Whiplash) as Santa Claus. He's perfectly cast, conveying all the confidence and power St. Nick demands. Dwayne Johnson (Moana 2, San Andreas) equals him in the fun department as Santa's head of security, Callum Drift.
But the film opens slow, detailing n'er do well Jack O'Malley as a non-believing kid and then 30 years later as a man (Chris Evans) whose existence defines the naughty list.
For the first half hour, anytime the film focuses on the North Pole, Simmons & Johnson, it delivers a full stocking of laughs and cool effects. But then Jack shows up on screen and the sleigh grinds to a halt.
With about twenty five minutes edited out of its final 124 minute running time, this thing could have soared. It's not without its fun moments. Once Santa is kidnapped and the plot finally kicks into gear, the pace picks up, Callum finds out Jack may be involved and the story is off and running.
Kristofer Hivju (Game of Thrones) is a blast as Santa's brother, who looks NOTHING like his sibling. It's a fun bit and Hivju delivers huge laughs, menace and heroics.
Lucy Liu (Kill Bill Vol. 1) has plenty of fun as Zoe, the head of the government agency that protects Santa year round. The film plays nicely with the concept of all the legendary figures from literature and fable being actual creatures.
But the main villain is a bit dull, a Christmas witch who seems more like a Die Hard bad guy than a mythical character.
Poor Johnson is saddled with so much exposition, trying to explain the back story and history that at one point, I laughed out loud. Convoluted storytelling isn't a great omen for what's to come. Watch the scene in the truck after they meet Santa's brother as Dwayne rattles off hundreds of years of dialogue across paragraphs of meaningless dialogue. You can see Johnson working hard to make it interesting, while Evans sits in the passenger seat looking bored. Me too.
The film's budget was $250 million+. What? Where did it go?
The special effects are often dark and muddled, without the definition that the best CGI offers. Sure, Santa's sleigh and reindeer are cool, but I'm not sure this version of the North Pole looks any better than that underwater city in "The Abyss", and that was made almost 40 years ago.
Kids will love the Polar Bears on Callum's team, the best use of the creatures since those Coca-Cola yuletide commercials.
The final 15 minutes pulls things together into the most satisfying part of the film, with all the action of a superhero film blended with a feel good holiday message. It's by FAR the best part of the movie, but can't quite clear the stink of the lumps of coal you've already sat on for two hours.
RED ONE looks like a Christmas movie ONE & done.
I'll unwrap it a C.
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