Pete 'n' Tillie

In 1972, one of the funniest women on the planet took on her first big screen leading role, in a part in which she barely broke a smile. It begs the question, why?

PETE 'N' TILLIE pairs Carol Burnett with Walter Matthau in a screenplay written by Julius J. Epstein, who wrote "Casablanca" and "Arsenic and Old Lace". So, with that pedigree, it's got to be a great story about a legendary romance, right?

Well, no.

Burnett's Tillie is a single woman leading a very quiet life, not in any hurry to meet anyone and content with her life. I mean, I guess she's content, Burnett plays her with the straightest of faces. Her longtime friend Gertrude (a wild Geraldine Page, swinging for the fences, perhaps in an attempt to breathe some life into the proceedings) throws notorious parties and she's committed to introduce Tillie to Pete, a marketing research everyman who's got a quick wit, a million retorts and the dryest of humors.

If Burnett's casting is questionable, Matthau (The Odd Couple, The Fortune Cookie) is spot on. From their first meeting, Matthau comes off as a self centered, Scotch drinking guy who takes nothing seriously.

Director Martin Ritt (Norma Rae, Hud) dutifully films a "falling in love" montage set to one of John Williams earliest, perfectly adequate scores and we watch them cavort through restaurants and parks. Eventually it ends up in a bedroom scene so clinical that I felt like a medical student sitting in on a physical. Awkward, dull and without a spark, I kept wondering how they would ever be together.

But Epstein's script has no time for dilly dallying. Soon, they've been married for awhile, then Tillie's pregnant, then the kid is old enough to be played by Lee H. Montgomery, surely one of the worst kid actors of any decade. After "Ben" I was hoping he'd slink off to commercials, but nope, here he is. Oof.

Barry Nelson (The Shining, Airport) is excellent as Gertrude's husband, Burt. He and Tillie have chemistry on screen, I kept waiting for that movie to happen. Rene Auberjonois (M*A*S*H*, Brewster McCloud, The Hindenburg) brings class and eccentricity to Jimmy, an openly gay character (revolutionary in 1972) who's a steadfast friend to Tilly.

Just when you begin to connect with someone, Epstein takes the story or a character into a weird place. When Tilly is faced with Pete's seeming habitual cheating, she barely registers any emotion. When their child faces a life threatening disease, Pete sits in front of the TV and Tillie strolls around the backyard swearing at God. Poor Burnett does her best and is fine as Tillie, she's just playing such a stereotypical, bored, middle-class, undemanding character, she grows annoying.

Matthau gets off some great lines. "Love without irritation is just lust. Not that there's anything particularly wrong with lust."

When Pete asks Tillie where she hails from and she responds, "San Jose", Pete retorts with "I have to be honest with you. That isn't much of a "hail". Next time you're asked, say, oooh, I don't know... Indianapolis".

When Tillie offers to make Pete a drink and asks what he wants, he says "Whatever's the most trouble".

There's an enjoyable movie wanting to break out here, but....

Matthau is such a louse to Tillie for 90% of the film, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to cheer for, certainly not for these two unhappy people to stay together, when they seem, at every turn, to be settling for each other.

A catfight between Gertrude and Tillie near the end of the film seems like a bit of physical comedy edited in from another film. It makes zero sense. Think about Jimmy's final scene with Tillie, it makes no sense for him to be saying any of that and her reaction seems like she's near comatose on Xanax.

Burnett, Matthau and Nelson are always worth watching, but PETE N TILLIE spirals into a major stretch of my goodwill by the final act.

Playing like a mix between a very bad Woody Allen movie and a half-assed take on "Terms of Endearment", it gets a C.