Jurassic World: Dominion

Oh boy. JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION.

Can I just say how much I love Jeff Goldblum and how he absolutely NAILS his return as Dr. Ian Malcolm in this latest, and hopefully final dinosaur epic? Goldblum is excellent. Every time he was on screen, I enjoyed the hell out the movie.

Slipping in self-aware comments about other characters and the series in general, he was my voice in the movie. Especially when saying “how many more times do we need to go through this?”

To wrap up the six films, we get the entire old cast and the entire new cast together for a fun-filled, jaw-dropping fantastic romp. Right? Well, no.

Sam Neill is as good as ever as Alan Grant, Laura Dern is as annoying as ever as Ellie Satler and Goldblum steals the whole damn movie. The sad thing is that with these three aboard, you realize how absolutely dull and goofy Chris Pratt’s Owen Grady and Bryce Dallas Howard’s Claire are. They get blown off the screen by the old-timers.

I’m not going to bother detailing the plot, as the film plays more like an old-time serial with exciting chapters interrupted by boring stretches. The action scenes are first-rate, but are so disjointed, nothing matters.

I was bored the first 25 minutes as we see the world now covered with dinosaurs of every size and species. Remember back in 1993 when we saw that first dinosaur walking across the field? Moviegoers everywhere gasped and the original Jurassic Park blew us all away by showing us something we’ve never seen before.

In this film, dinosaurs are everywhere and so numerous that you just shrug and throw off a “meh” as they thunder in from stage left.

When the coolest new prehistoric creature is a bio-engineered locust the size of a turkey, thrills might be in short supply.

A twenty-minute action sequence in Malta is excellent, but it’s more of a James Bond/Jason Bourne chase with a couple of raptors thrown in than anything that propels the story.

Newcomer DeWanda Wise is superb. Her ragtag pilot for hire gives off an Indiana Jones vibe that sparks the movie whenever she’s on screen. I’d watch an adventure with her and Goldblum in search of anything, anytime.

Mamoudou Athie (Underwater) is also a welcome add as Ramsay, assistant to our villain of the hour Lewis Dodgson, played to the hilt by Campbell Scott (Dead Again, WeCrashed) as a warped Steve Jobs with a God complex. His character starts off strong but peters out by the end of the film. His scene in the finale with all his staffers during a crisis is an embarrassment to screenwriting, and it appears four people had to pull their resources to come up with this mess.

There’s a three-way dino fight at the conclusion that shook every inch of the Dolby Cinema and brought back some of the thrills of seeing these creatures battle as our heroes try to escape the madness. But it’s far too little too late to save the day.

I loved “Jurassic Park”, I really enjoyed “Jurassic World” but boy has this thing gone off the rails.

Let’s let these dinosaurs and this film series rest in peace.

JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION is DOA.

Goldblum and Wise, an A+.

The rest of this T-Rex turd gets a C-.