Father Figures

Let me give you an early Christmas present by helping you avoid the giant celluloid lump of coal FATHER FIGURES.

Wasting an immense amount of talent and gaining a top spot on Santa's naughty list by giving away 90% of the laughs in the trailers, this stinker will come and go quickly in theatres.

Uptight brother and proctologist (oh gee thats funny already) Peter is played by Ed Helms, who is a very funny actor but asked to play straight man for most of the movie.

His loose, surfer brother Kyle (Owen Wilson, clearly coasting here) is visiting for their Mom's wedding to her new beau (Harry Shearer, a great comedian given nothing to do).

Their Mom (Glenn Close, doing what she can with a mediocre part) divulges that she's not sure who their Dad was, sending the boys on a road trip to find him.

Is it football legend Terry Bradshaw? Bradshaw has a lot of fun and is really good here, playing a dumbed down version of himself.

Is it a wealthy financial guy, played by JK Simmons?

Is it Christopher Walken, a local veterinarian?

More importantly, is this a comedy?

Is this a family drama or maybe a dramedy?

The filmmakers have no idea. There were moments played for drama that made me snicker they were so poorly executed and there were long comic scenes that sat lifeless with zero laughs.

The only redeeming features of the film are Ving Rhames as a former football player and Katt Williams, who appears near the end of the film as a hitchhiker. He nails every line and steals the movie immediately.

More of a giant steaming reindeer turd that a holiday gift, FATHER FIGURES gets a D.

I cant wait to watch "Christmas Vacation " tonight to get rid of the taste of this sour movie egg nog of a flick.