Drowned under endless waves of mildly funny physical and verbal comedy that relies far too much on lowbrow punch lines, BAYWATCH completely wastes a terrific cast.
Dwayne Johnson has screen presence to spare and scores the most chuckles as lead lifeguard Mitch, the giant leader of the most aggressive beach squad on the planet.
A very game, hilarious and ripped Zac Efron stars as dim-bulb Olympic swimmer Matt Brody. (Ryan Lochte anyone???) He fares second best as he matches wits and skills with Mitch in a David v Goliath size matchup.
The first few minutes, you witness a great Dwayne "The Rock" action rescue and then giant letters saying BAYWATCH rise from the ocean as he turns to the camera. It's funny and self aware and I thought "Hey, they get that Baywatch was a really incredibly bad and stupid TV show so they are going to have fun with it!!"
and then....hmm...
Like a bad episode of the show, the team finds themselves immersed in a beach side drug ring, Mitch and his team think they're cops and the mild giggles go on and on.
Priyanka Chopra (TV's "Quantico") is a beautiful and decent villain, getting off one of the best lines of the film when she tells the team that she would have gotten away with her plan "except for you meddling lifeguards and your bigger, stronger Hasselhoff".
The rest of the cast blends into the sand in an endless parade of lame jokes seemingly written by fourth graders.
I dont mind lewd comedy if its funny, I often embrace anything that crosses way over the line, but its got to be SMART lewd and this is a long way from well written.
I felt bad for Johnson, he's got star power to spare and has fun calling Efron every name BUT Brody, but he's not given much to do.
Maybe this huge box office bomb that didnt even earn back its budget will put the halt to Hollywood spending hundreds of millions of dollars adapting horrible TV shows for the big screen.
Let's hope.
BAYWATCH gets a soggy, lame C-.
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