Along Came a Spider

Morgan Freeman is legendary. Every word, every motion conveys gravitas. Even he can't breathe any life into the role of Alex Cross in his second film as the detective in 2001's ALONG CAME A SPIDER?

Why?

Because he's trapped in a film with so many plot holes and logic lapses in its story that you're left at the end scratching your head in confusion. And not in a good, "Inception" or "The Prestige" way.

A big "twist" two thirds of the way through the story was as bad as M. Night's stupid "The Village" reveal. My reaction wasn't "oh, how clever", I just kept saying aloud, "that doesn't make any sense".

The film opens with a rip roaring action scene in which Alex Cross is in a helicopter, observing his female partner in a red sports car with a known killer, trying to entrap him (I guess?). There are hidden cameras here that are the first head scratching hints of credibility gaps, but it soon ends with a high speed crash and death that's marred as much by bad early CGI as questionable logic.

The best part of that opening scene is the music by Jerry Goldsmith. This was one of his last scores before his death, and it's his usual soaring, awesome action music. The man has written so many great scores (Patton, Planet of the Apes, Chinatown, Basic Instinct, First Blood, Poltergeist, Star Trek: The Motion Picture) and he's still firing on all cylinders here. But even he and Freeman can't save this mess.

We move on to the main plot, with a senator's daughter attending a private school. Her history teacher Mr/ Soneji (a strong Michael Wincott from "Nope") is obviously wearing bad theatrical makeup. No one seems to notice, even though it's absurdly bad. Before you can say "Class Dismissed", Soneji kidnaps Megan, the senator's daughter and whisks her away to a boat, storing her in a locked, sound proof cabin.

The Secret Service agent in charge, Jezzie Flannigan, played by Monica Potter, (who I'll never forgive for being part of that crapfest "Patch Adams") botched her protection duty as bad as those idiots protecting Trump in Pennsylvania and gets yelled at by her boss, McArthur. Dylan Baker (Happiness, Selma) is such a great character actor that I kept hoping the movie would give him more to do as McArthur.

Soneji immediately pulls the semi-retired Alex Cross into the case, wanting to engage in an elaborate cat and mouse game with him to save Megan.

Alas, this is where the screenplay by Marc Moss begins its plummet into the nonsensical.

It's been 23 years since this movie hit theaters, so I'm not sure a spoiler alert is necessary, but just in case, STOP READING NOW, and know that I gave this dumb mess a D.

Okay, take a ride with me here.

* How would Jezzie know where the boat is where Soneji is keeping Megan?

* How would Jezzie and Ben know what kind of voice masking system Soneji was going to use?

* Why the elaborate chase all over Washington City when it would have been easier just to steal the diamonds by having them dropped to one of them?

* Why would Jezzie keep every bit of the elaborate two year scheme on her computer with a password that she's practically handed to Cross, one of the greatest detectives since Sherlock Holmes?

And lastly, why would she assume that Soneji wasn't just going to kill Megan when he took her?

When one of these questions enters your head in the middle of the movie, you can just roll forward, hoping it's explained. When a half dozen stupid plot points are ratting around in your brain and every new scene brings a bigger eye roll, you've got a hell of a problem.

I've never been a big Patterson fan, except for the novels he's co-written with other authors. They can be fun fluff and a quick one day read.

But ALONG COMES A SPIDER gets tangled in its own illogical and poorly constructed web so quickly it becomes a slog to its stupid finale.

Blech.

Good work Freeman & Goldsmith, but even you can't save this dreck.